The Five of Swords

March 26th. It's 8:55am.

Todays card is the 5 of swords.

Interesting.

Today I start a part time job. It's been some time since I've worked for someone else. The five of swords, whenever I read it, is about letting things go for their own good. And doing it with finality, with a sense of responsibility. And that there can be no sense of sitting on the fence. "Go out into the world and learn some things." is often the phrase that accompanies this card for me.

And so, I suppose I should go out into the world and learn some things. There is definately a sense of sadness for me, in not having my studio anymore. Because I'm no longer doing any crafts or any art - I feel like I've packed it up and am being forced to move on from what I love doing.

However, if the card of the day seems to be encouraging myself to force myself to be ALL IN, then all in I shall be today. Because I do feel an inner resistance that I'm trying to put into place.

I'm sure I'll write again at the end of the day.

I had dreams last night also... rats! I was trying to change one of my 2 year old dream nephews (one of a twin, both red head boys) that had completely pooped himself while wearing tights. I was getting a coffee from the drive thru for my father (who had ordered it in his green Cordoba, and then parked, and made me walk ahead of all the other cars to stand at the window with my dream-nephews..) Anyway, I grabbed up the poopy one, who was trying to strip himself outside the window, and the other one followed me inside and downstairs to a bathroom. The light was off, so I flipped it on. Trying to wipe poop off the little guys butt, I felt my right nipple get bit. I turn around and there's another family there, and I say "did you see a dog?" and they said "no." Then I turn, and a rat is biting my finger. A big, black rat. I shake him off. Then he grips my arm, and all of his rat buddys come out from under a heater. I'm not panicking, but it DOES hurt. I try to drown him off under the faucet...

and I wake up. My right side was numb. I lay in the dark trying to figure out if it was just sleepy numb, if I wasn't fully awake yet. I was lying on my left side, and it seemed fine. I lay in bed another half hour, breathing.

I've had a tea. I had my ViSalus shake. I had a piece of bread with pumpkin butter on it. I licked some salt (bleck. Ground up sea salt off the finger, with a water chaser.) to try to get the blood moving. I don't want to panic, and I'm a little concerned that this might be psycosomatic. It was cold, bitterly, for the first time in 2 weeks... the wind has frozen my ear... and the bit of numbness that's left... I can't tell if it's from the wind or not.

So, I leave for new job in 2 minutes.

Wish me luck.